I had a blog. A dedicated website complete with host. And I loved my blog before it became a "chore". I looked forward to posting pictures and sharing tales.
Then it became a reminder of lost hopes and dreams and foolish notions that ceased to exist. I tried to make it something it wasn't. And I grew to dread the mere presence.
And I stopped going to the Garden. I found excuses to not go and to not share and to not post.
Reminders to renew web hosting go ignored. Writing takes a back seat.
When Gardens aren't tended, they die. That is what happened to The Dragonfly Garden.
At first, I started to worry. I thought : "Oh no, my posts, my pictures!"
And then I took a deep breath and thought, the pictures still exist. Those aren't lost at all. I realized that it is just like my journals after my Mother, z'l, died. I burned and shredded all but two of them. (I kept the one that contained all my writings about my trip to the USSR and one about Virgil; the rest went up in smoke.)
I explored my feelings more closely and realized that with the exception of one post, I was more relieved than anything else. I thought about what drove me to my blog in the first place....
Needing a creative outlet after the journals burned. I thought of where I started out... at blogspot. And realized that I could start fresh. I could take the journey of the last 12 months; a journey that nearly did me in, and start over.
Back where I was in the beginning.
I thought of what had helped me. I thought of what I looked forward to. I thought about where I wanted to go.
I looked at pictures I had taken and never shared with others over the dark period and realized that more and more, my pictures involved some form of light.
I realized I had been craving the light to help me find my way.
And Bella Luce was born.
I know I will make mistakes. I know some mistakes to avoid in the future. But I know that it has to be more about what helps me find the light.