Saturday, March 2, 2013

New Beginnings

I had a blog. A dedicated website complete with host. And I loved my blog before it became a "chore". I looked forward to posting pictures and sharing tales. 

Then it became a reminder of lost hopes and dreams and foolish notions that ceased to exist. I tried to make it something it wasn't. And I grew to dread the mere presence. 

And I stopped going to the Garden. I found excuses to not go and to not share and to not post. 

Reminders to renew web hosting go ignored. Writing takes a back seat. 

When Gardens aren't tended, they die. That is what happened to The Dragonfly Garden. 

At first, I started to worry. I thought : "Oh no, my posts, my pictures!" 

And then I took a deep breath and thought, the pictures still exist. Those aren't lost at all. I realized that it is just like my journals after my Mother, z'l, died. I burned and shredded all but two of them. (I kept the one that contained all my writings about my trip to the USSR and one about Virgil; the rest went up in smoke.)

I explored my feelings more closely and realized that with the exception of one post, I was more relieved than anything else. I thought about what drove me to my blog in the first place....

Needing a creative outlet after the journals burned. I thought of where I started out... at blogspot. And realized that I could start fresh. I could take the journey of the last 12 months; a journey that nearly did me in, and start over. 

Back where I was in the beginning. 

I thought of what had helped me. I thought of what I looked forward to. I thought about where I wanted to go. 

I looked at pictures I had taken and never shared with others over the dark period and realized that more and more, my pictures involved some form of light. 

I realized I had been craving the light to help me find my way. 

And Bella Luce was born.

Beautiful Light.

I know I will make mistakes. I know some mistakes to avoid in the future. But I know that it has to be more about what helps me find the light. 

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