Monday, March 11, 2013

Language Barrier

I had a long text discussion with an old flame this weekend. I shall spare you the details and just say that I learned an awful lot.

He and I are from different countries, different cultures.We met, we clicked, we had a good time, we ended. I thought I understood the reasons. After yesterday, I am not sure I understand anything anymore.

I took his words at rebi face value. I put my internal spin on all of his actions after. We had several talks after we ended and we had a nice little run in at the Atlanta airport of all places....

How hard is that? To actually run into someone you know and really wanted to see? In Hartsfield Jackson Airport?N

He says his subsequent contact was his indication that he wanted to explore getting back together. Because Rebi lacks confidence and self worth, she never saw any of that.

He told me  yesterday: "I don't want to call you a liar but that is not the image you portray."

Nope, I pretend real well. And I told him that. I let my lack of self worth and value interpret his overtures and they weren't the same language. This man was and still is quite amazing. (I can say all this because I know he will never see it!) But now he's married and while I wish him every happiness in the world, I can't help thinking what if?

What if I hadn't been full of low self esteem?

What if I hadn't assumed that he didn't want to be with me?

What if I had had the confidence to tell him how I really felt?

What if I hadn't done what I always do and push people away before they push me away?

I learned so much yesterday that I certainly hope to carry with me into any future relationships-- and not just romantic ones. I have value and it's time I showed the world I expect to be treated with such.

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