It's all about relationships...

As we all know, I am building a business.

Toward that end, I realize that in building that business, I have to build relationships.

If no one knows what I am doing, then how can anyone know what I am doing.

How can I build a client base if I do not get the word out? The best way I am learning, to get that word out is to share with others.

I have to share what I am doing and learn from others who have gone before me. I need to share with those I meet at conferences. I never really understood networking until, perhaps, today.

 On a completely unrelated matter, I reached out to a woman I had met at a conference. I was acting as go between for an author friend of mine and this contact could potentially provide a service.

 During the conversation I found out many details that would be of use to me in my Editing Business. I made some contacts that could potentially lead to future work.

But even if it doesn't, I have learned that sharing and building relationships is key in building a business.

I can't hide my light and shy away.

 I have to be confident and project the successful image I want others to see!

Thoughts for the day

I posted some of these on facebook today but wanted to put them all together here because represented the day and my mood. And what I like to call my growth.....

Learning

OK, I must admit - if only to myself- that I am learning some new things about me. 

When we try to put ourselves in molds that seem acceptable to others, we tend to forget that we aren't all made from the same mold. 

 What works for one may not necessarily work for others. It doesn't make one good versus bad.... it just is.

I am my own light and what I need to succeed is what I need. Not what someone else thinks I should need. 

We are all different and that is good.

Brave

As most of the people who know me know, I prefer Alternative Music.

Until just recently, I had a Thursday routine with a friend that included going to dinner and a movie. The last couple of weeks or so of that routine part of the ads before the movie included a song by Sara Bareilles. The first time I saw the video- without listening to the words- I thought ok what a strange video.

Then I listened to the words. To say that they touched me is an understatement. I have already downloaded the song on iTunes and frankly, I'd love to make it my ring tone. It has become my mantra because for too long I have kept my mouth shut and not said what I wanted or needed to say because I was afraid.

Afraid of starting a fight. Afraid of causing a disagreement. Afraid of making someone mad.

I am done with that. Everything I have and need is within me and God. If me telling you how I really feel is going to run you off, then Goodbye and Good Luck. Because if I have to be who YOU want me to be and not who I want to be then YOU didn't really want ME in the first place.

I am enough. God is enough.

I don't need someone who makes me cower in fear, tremble with worry or live riddled with anxiety.

I need me. The ME that God wants me to be. The ME He needs me to be.

For three years, I have held me tongue to keep the peace. Except that I ended up feeling the opposite of peace.

No more.

From now on I am Brave.

You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug

You can be the outcast

Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love

Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do

And they settle ‘neath your skin

Kept on the inside and no sunlight

Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down

By the enemy

Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing

Bow down to the mighty

Don’t run, stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Innocence, your history of silence

Won’t do you any good

Did you think it would?

Let your words be anything but empty

Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

April Goals

    

 
I spent a lot of time over the past weekend journaling and making some goals. I meant to have this post all ready to go yesterday, but I didn't quite finish.

 
Friday, I made a meal plan for the upcoming week and went grocery shopping.

 
April has become a No Spend Month and I am taking it very seriously this time. I have tried a couple of times before to do this and was not successful. This time I have made a serious commitment. Outside of the bills, groceries and gas to get to work and back I do not plan to spend any money. No eating out. No shopping.

 
There is one (ok 3) to this. One is for the registration fee for my 5k this month (20 bucks), my tax preparation (but I sort of see that as a bill because hey… it's taxes) and some sage for burning. I want to smudge the house and rid it of all the negative energy. I am going to try and wait until May for this, if for no other reason than to prove to myself I can.

 
In my journaling this weekend I realized the two crutches I have used to not face feelings and emotions have caused even bigger problems. So from now on, if I want something, it goes on a list. To be determined later if, in fact, I really do want/need it or if it is being used to alter/mask feelings. I use shopping to make myself feel good and that's not a good thing. It reeks of lack of control and emotional instability. While items purchased may be small and inconsequential… they in fact add up and create debt and I am starting now to rid myself of all debt.

 
It will be a long road but you can't finish if you don't start.

 
The flip side of feeling good is feeling bad. I used food to numb those feelings and fears that were too much for me and, yet again, created an even bigger problem.

 
So my crutches—while they helped two feelings—created two bigger problems and now I need to deal with those.

This weekend was really good for me. I sat down and thought about what I really wanted from my life and I kept coming back to three words:

1. Simple
2. Authentic
3. Radiant

 
So I start April off with a bang! Meal plans and goals. Both of which I feel better about than I ever have before because in understanding why I was doing things the way I was, I realized how I can begin to heal and fix those things without making bigger problems.

 
I cannot continue to live my life in fear and anxiety. That does not make for a happy life and the last four days have shown me a glimpse of what I need my life to look like.

 
And I like it.

 

Language Barrier

I had a long text discussion with an old flame this weekend. I shall spare you the details and just say that I learned an awful lot.

He and I are from different countries, different cultures.We met, we clicked, we had a good time, we ended. I thought I understood the reasons. After yesterday, I am not sure I understand anything anymore.

I took his words at rebi face value. I put my internal spin on all of his actions after. We had several talks after we ended and we had a nice little run in at the Atlanta airport of all places....

How hard is that? To actually run into someone you know and really wanted to see? In Hartsfield Jackson Airport?N

He says his subsequent contact was his indication that he wanted to explore getting back together. Because Rebi lacks confidence and self worth, she never saw any of that.

He told me  yesterday: "I don't want to call you a liar but that is not the image you portray."

Nope, I pretend real well. And I told him that. I let my lack of self worth and value interpret his overtures and they weren't the same language. This man was and still is quite amazing. (I can say all this because I know he will never see it!) But now he's married and while I wish him every happiness in the world, I can't help thinking what if?

What if I hadn't been full of low self esteem?

What if I hadn't assumed that he didn't want to be with me?

What if I had had the confidence to tell him how I really felt?

What if I hadn't done what I always do and push people away before they push me away?

I learned so much yesterday that I certainly hope to carry with me into any future relationships-- and not just romantic ones. I have value and it's time I showed the world I expect to be treated with such.